In Full Swing

Random notes about this summer day...  

I've come to accept this fact--that we are always a work in progress as is our home remodeling.  So when the window guy came to the lake today and chuckled that we didn't have trim around the windows that he installed in January, I found the irony humorous myself, since it only took 1.5 years (yes, years) for this man to actually get and deliver the four windows to us.  (This is also the only decision that Austin and I have ever disagreed upon and will probably be the last time he makes a decision like this one without me.)  There always seems to be something keeping us busy and on our toes...in this case, it was a newborn!

Speaking of toes, Leila's new favorite habit is to throw both legs into the air until she can suck on her toes.  I find this laugh out loud funny.  Gage never even attempted such a miraculous flexibility feat, so when this little girl has a hold of her feet and sucks on them I can't imagine what teething must really feel like.  Her thumb just isn't doing it for her anymore.

We're just in full summer mode around here... Whenever Austin heads down to the lake, I try to decide what I might be able to accomplish with two children in hand.  I was bold today and just decided to go with him, and it really payed off.  Gage and I had some great one on one time so I took him wading  in the creek and across the bouncing Troll Bridge until we were almost dizzy.  It's special because I just love this age when everything is so exciting to him.  While we were driving the Polaris back to the concession stand to get Leila, in his  breathy oh-thank-you-so-much-mommy tone, Gage said, "Mommy, your my son... and I love you."  These moments of enjoying the lake as much as the other guests and campers are my sanity savers.  Today, Gage convinced me that even he realizes this.  

What a Trooper

I've suspected that Leila was getting ready to cut teeth for a couple of weeks, but I also remember thinking Gage was cutting teeth, when in fact he was not and I was just looking for a reason to his fussiness.  So, this morning when it has become crystal clear that Leila's first toother is popping through, I had a bit of a hard time accepting that enough time has passed between her birth and her first tooth.  

While I obviously have to accept the fact because there is nothing I can do about a tooth, besides pray that she doesn't become a biting nurser, I have to give her a round of applause for being such a tough girl.  You know, I'm really proud of her for withstanding at least three solid months of all night and all day colic (the only explanation for her infant temperament), and then going straight into teething, which so far has been much easier to deal with than the colicky days.  I don't even think I've given Tylenol to her because in the back of my mind I have still been denying that teething might be a cause to her fussiness.  I can't believe, then, that it is I who she wants comfort from-- crying for every one until passed over to me, the denier of pain reliever.  I might have repercussions for this in the future should she ever know the truth.  

She's proving that she's going to survive this Cable lifestyle after all-- and on the tougher days, I promise to dish out the Tylenol to her just as I dish it out to myself.  We are certainly a family who plays together, who works together... and who skis together, too.

Letter to Leila

Dear Leila,

You have the cutest, biggest smile that showcases an amazing dimple and glitter in your eye. It makes everyone in the house a bit happier when you flash those gums at us. Thank you, thank you. With that said, please remember that your mother is exhausted--and while we love your contagious smiles, we simply prefer them during the daylight hours. Or, rather, should you decide to continue your nighttime habits, please consider allowing your father to feed a bottle to you. Your ability to comply in this matter may very well be the difference in your future toy stock because at this time, I may need to start using that money to cover the gray hairs.

Love, mom

Leila and Bumbo

There are those days that I wake up and every breathing moment is spent on accomplishing something.  Yesterday I needed to accomplish 20 minutes of non-crying, non-holding or rocking happiness for Leila.  I had a debit card, a full belly (this is big for nursing moms, trust me), and my best shopping helper--Gage.  

We had to hit the John Deere aisle of the local Wal-Mart first and then I knew Gage would be golden.  He's so easy to shop with, to keep happy, and actually he's just funny!  Three trips down the aisle and he settled on what it was he wanted to "hold, just hold for two midduts, mommy."  I had to remind him only once that he could only hold it, that his birthday was coming up, and that our trip to Wal-Mart was for Leila.  Satisfied, he took a look around and then came back with, "I'll have to tell Daddy.  He talks to Santa Claus. You know, Daddy... (as if I don't know who Daddy is)  Daddy-Austin."  Chuckling, I thanked him for the clarification of who is father is and off we went to get a Bumbo seat.  He picked out the color, he told me where in the cart it could go, and then asked to get "groceries, just a few groceries, mommy, like, you know, eggs, bananas, and chex."  He's truly a riot.

The true test, however, was still to be discovered.  Would $40 on some gimmicky-looking seat really make Leila happy?  I should have had a camera ready... with one hand on her head like she was posing for a photo shoot, she looked at me straight in the face and just giggle-smiled.  Oh, it's strange how different kids can be, what makes them happy, what makes them not... but the real reward is just figuring it out.  I might even be able to take her to the lake now.  

Mission accomplished, laughs had, all are at peace... for today.

Married at Two

On the night of our actual anniversary, Austin and I took the kids to the Sutton Farm to have a cookout.  Gage wanted me to sit in the back seat with him.   Right now Gage is always asking, "What happened?" So I tried really hard to just give him all the details right away as to why I'd be sitting up front.   I told him that since it was my anniversary, I was going to sit up front with daddy and hold his hand because I loved him.  And then this is the conversation that happened:

Gage--What happened?  

Well, we love each other very much so we got married and I still like to hold his hand.

Gage--Well, I'm married.

You are?  Who are you married to?  

Gage--To you, mommy.  I love you.

stop, breathe, count blessings

A dear friend told me, "For all your struggles, you are very lucky."  I appreciate the reminders like this from people who see our world from the outside in.  All too easily I can get caught up in the constant 'what will go wrong next' because I'm just now starting to accept, at age 32, that control is best when you give it up and just realize that the real plans for us are resting with God.  

When Gage was born I was so excited and ready for the end of a terrible, miserable pregnancy.  But, I had no idea what the phrase 'momma lion' really symbolized until I had this tiny infant in my arms that totally relied on me to be his biggest link to survival.  

I knew Gage had some special needs of his own; I somehow knew, even when he was a newborn, that I had a bigger challenge placed in front of me.  Austin and I somewhat believe that children may choose their parents and telling myself that Gage chose us because we were best equipped to take care of him was something that really kept the fire lit when my body begged for rest.  We had a 5-day stay in the hospital with some issues, and before we left the hospital hes still had a projectile vomit issue that my gut said, 'this surely can't be normal.'  

After 15 months of constantly trying to figure out new solutions to Gage's vomitting problem, we found our answers at Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh-- eosinophilic esophagitis, made worse by the discovered 14 food allergies and allergies to dogs and cats.  Of all the allergies they tested him for, chicken and sugar were the only things he was not allergic to.  After two days in a cave of tears, momma lion emerged again to tackle this thing head on.  With a great pediatrician (the first one was fired), a great allergist, and a great Ma Bailey (my mom), we have successfully battled on for 21 months.  

It is anxiety all over again for me lately, and we are seeing a comeback of these health issues.  I am sad that Gage will spend his 3rd birthday back at Children's Hospital next week, but I feel blessed that we get to see him turn 3 and that we know help for him will be on its way.  I've learned that a lot of unsolicited advice comes with parenting, but I've also learned momma's almost always know best--it's a great job to be momma--to see the babies grow, to do whatever it takes to keep them healthy and happy, and to watch them develop personalities, character, and strength.  I have many blessings in life -- Gage and Leila are truly the best gifts of all.

You know you've lived, and survived, when...

There has been very little about miss Leila that equates easy; I knew her 4-month well baby visit would probably be no different. It started before I even left the house and had not been able to nurse Leila sufficiently for what trauma she was about to endure. Leaving the driveway with barely enough time to be on time I was further disgruntled when I just couldn't figure out why my bra just didn't fit. With a heavy sigh, two kids loaded, and a cereal bar in hand, all I could think was that it just wasn't fair that I was gaining weight instead of losing weight.

It wasn't a surprise that Leila cried nearly the entire 30-minute ride, it wasn't a surprise that I had to park a football field away from the entrance, and it wasn't a surprise that it was feeling a whole lot hotter outside than when I left our house. Sweating, cursing, and starving, I unloaded the stroller to make the trek to the doctor's office with a toddler in tow and, again, began having issues with one of my girls. Still optimistic as this point, I just knew all I needed was for Leila's name to be called upon arrival so we could nurse and solve all problems. I would be wrong...

The waiting room was packed, the speedy factor of getting called back did not happen, and Leila was not waiting any longer for her mom... and she was letting everyone know. I have always hated to nurse in public because nothing about nursing either of my children has ever been easy in that newborn stage; however, with Leila nursing in public is a necessity or Gage would never get to do anything. So I sucked it up, got Gage situated, and immediately realized my weight gain problem had a whole lot more to do with the fact I had on a bra from pre-baby days... one without nursing technology built in--an immediate sign that I really do need to be getting more sleep at night. But, at least two of us were getting relief, as did Gage... all over the chair.

What to do? Clean him up, clean up the doctor's office, finish nursing the screamin' demon... I swear, if Donald Trump had to make daily decisions like this, he'd give himself a raise. Instead, I settled for keeping the office quiet before keeping clean. With Leila fed, Gage running around the doctor's office content with wearing a pair of Wal-Mart crocs and a pull-up, I really did think it would get better--even though we still had four shots to endure.

With Gage's shorts 'hanging' on the stroller hoping they would dry before we had to leave (I still thought I'd be able to at least go to the grocery store) I'm still pleasantly waiting for someone to just put me out of my misery and give us a room... and then the quiet was immediately interrupted with a red-faced Leila shooting #2 up her back. She held back nothing, I mean nothing. Now I'm just speechless, thoughtless, and still starving.

Luckily we have a good relationship with our doctor--he didn't call children's services about a mother bringing filthy, unclothed children to the doctor's office, he didn't even comment. We got the typical check-out, Leila got four jabs, and then the entire office took notice to our needs (finally) once they got to hear how healthily Leila's lungs have developed.

Needless to say, at this point my other girl was screaming for breathing room, my infant was waking the dead, and all I knew to do was curse Edison Local schools for having a make-up day that excused Austin from experiencing this side of parenting. So with a stroller to push while carrying poor Leila, and a toddler, half-naked, to lead the football field back to the vehicle...

Let me tell you, there was no grocery shopping that day.