In the mind of a mother for five seconds

After my third 13-hour shift in a row, I was eager to get home and see my kids for the first time in as many days.  They had spent time with Grandma and Poppy as a last hoorah before school begins.  I parked my car and crept up to the front door like a peeping tom.  I wanted to just take a still moment to soak in whatever activities were happening in my living room.  I wanted to see the little 6-year old and the little 3-year old, yet be unseen.  For a mom, that rarely happens.  After this sort of summer in 2012 and at this particular time of year, I needed to just see and just watch our biggest blessings.

Let me be clear.  I now know I hate back to school time.  It's not for the reason most would assume.  It's not because we 'go back to work' (like we've actually had time off).  It's not because summer is over.  It isn't necessarily even that my kids go back to school because, well, school is good for them.  Back to school time, however, is pivotal.  It marks the 'last year' and the 'this year'.  It's the turning the page of a chapter.  It means time is passing by and there is nothing I can do about it.  It means I'm older, the kids are older, and it means the yesterdays really are yesterdays.

We begin an entirely new cycle when school starts.  This year, Leila will go to preschool.  She is kind of kicking and screaming about it.  She has so many attachment qualms.  She wants to go... I know she does.  That's all she talked about last year.  But, now that it's here, she is balking.  She sees the pivot point too.  She sees the next big step is big and she knows.  The girl is bright.  She knows this means less mom, less comfort zone time, and less control.

Gage... with Gage and school, he's as easy as they could come.  He's so laid back and mostly easy going all of the time.  He does well in school and he has a good time when he's there.  He doesn't necessarily want summer vacation to end, but he doesn't give us a boo or hiss one about going back to school.  Our issues with going back to school and Gage means a whole new team of people to trust to do the right thing by him and his other needs-- with food, with absenteeism, with treating him with dignity and helping him be a leader.

It's the pivoting moment-- out with the old, bring in the new--the yet to be known.

I watched as my kids put on their jammies, picked out some books, curled up on the couch and then I crept inside.  As soon as the click of the door broke the whirring of the hive, both kids were in my arms and talking all at once.  Shrieking with excitement, exchanging hugs and high fives, and asking for me to read to them... In an instant, my mind was back into the present moment, let go of the stress and worries of all things coming.  And then I saw it-- the missing front tooth.

My kids were shrieking because Gage had just lost his first top front tooth.  He was so proud, so excited, and with a big smile on my face, I could have just bawled.  These big blessings grow up in a flash, in a school year, on a 3-day vacation to Grandma and Poppy's.  They remind us daily that our control over time is a losing battle.  That, to have any time at all, is the biggest gift.

Soccer First Impressions

Last year after taking Gage to a soccer tournament, he was convinced he was willing and ready to play.  Last night was his first practice.

I suppose the tension in my heart that existed all day as I wondered how he'd do, how he'd get along with others, how he'd try to do new things, and how, hopefully, he'd enjoy himself is normal tension for mothers.

Just as a blown up balloon gets released and sizzles down to nothing, as soon as I saw him and another girl chase each other and a ball through giggles, I sat back into my bleacher seat and exhaled.  He kept the same happy momentum throughout the entire practice, and I must say, he and all the other little 'first-timers' actually have some skill, too.

At the end of practice on the walk back to car, he said, "Mom, that practice was not one hour--it felt like one minute!!"  I think it's safe to say he's going to enjoy himself.

Lil' Pampering goes a long way

Tonight I went to a friend's  house for her Pampered Chef party.  Totally not my thing typically (still bought over $100 of stuff), totally not a good day and time (Saturday night), and totally not mentally prepared to battle an un-napped Leila at the party.

But, the hostess is one of my dearest friends here and she is so kind and generous (even kept her kitties 'locked' up) that I was bound and determined to go and have a good time.

Needless to say, it was the nicest two hours in the middle of a Saturday night I've had in a long time.  Leila was complimented all night on her good behavior (sometimes all I could do was smile and grin at the person complimenting her  because I was waiting for another shoe to drop and for it to all be over.)  And when we left, Leila said "Whew!  That was just the nicest party mom!"-- as she swung her purse and skipped to the car.

You could put me in the middle of Timbuktu with my daughter and honestly, as long as she's happy, I feel like a million dollar mother.