One-liners

Driving home from my parent's house:
So mom, [pause] tell me aaalll about volcanoes. Like, what would happen to that house right there in a volcano?

Look at that John Deere sign! (yellow road sign with a deer on it) Wow! What kind of deer do you think that is? A bluegill deer?


To the stranger on the sidewalk as we're walking into pre-school:
Look at this big John Deere (talking about his nap mat).
Stranger: Yes, that's nice, I like those big, old tractors. They're a lot like me... big and old.
No, they aren't like you, they are GREEN. Have a good day.

Going through the drive-thru at Tim Horton's:
Mom, I think today is just an okay day for muffins. We can get doughnuts another day.

Watching the weather channel to see how many more inches of snow are predicted:
How many inches is it to Florida?

Potty time before bed:
Nahh, I don't have any pee pee in my body... I just had some yesterday.

Trying to get out of sleeping in his own bed:
Mom... why do you take up all the space in your bed? Dad says you take up all the space.

Talking Gage into laying down to rest or nap:
Mooom.... Firemen DO. NOT. TAKE. NAPS.
Do you want me to call Poppy and ask him if he ever naps?
He doesn't nap, he eats potato chips in his chair.

Informing his pre-school class of his future:
Next year, I'm going to CANTON! Not here! (he means Stanton, the name of his Dad's school--and he gets everyone confused)

In closing with his allergist at Children's Hospital:
Mom: Gage, tell Dr. Stukus that he's welcome to come to Austin Lake to be our guest.
Dr. Stukus: What is there to do at Austin Lake?
Gage: Weeeell, you can ride in the Pooper Scooper. [Pause] When Courtney comes to town, we ride in the pooper scooper.
Dr. Stukus: Is Courtney a human?
Gage: She lives in Florida.
Dr. Stukus: Is Courtney a person or an animal?
Gage: We call her Little Bird.
Mom: Courtney is his human aunt who lives in Akron... and the pooper scooper is nothing we need to bring out for our guests, Gage.
Meanwhile, Dr. Stukus is making a mental note to never come to Austin Lake : )